To the writers of fan-fiction - OFFICIAL LETTERS
by LARRISSA-HAYLIE IS MI
Summary: what would happen if the characters from lotr found out about fan fiction? what would there responses be? what would they complain about? find out here in there letters ! updated daily?two daily . rated k plus just in case. IF YOUR AQUA, LOLLY, ROSE ,CONOR ,DAN ,JAMIE OR FLO GO AWAY!
1. merry and pippin try to complain

Hello and welcome to my story/drabble thing – to writers of fanfiction!

Hope you enjoy it!

What did you have for dinner? Sorry random question I just wanted to know. I had pasta. :P

~)0-$-0(~

To the idiots who write fanfiction

We are not gay! We are cousins! That is gross if you're gay with your cousin!

**That's true! Who would want to go out with merry anyway?**

Shut up pippin!

**Oh merry's getting touchy**

Pip we are here to stop these idiots writing some tosh about us! Remember?

**Oh yeah…**

So a little help?

**Of course! Listen readers as merry has said we are not gay with anyone! There you are merry, I helped!**

Pip I had already said that!

**I was backing up your point!**

You were meant to come up with a new point!

**Oh. What about?**

Pippin!

**Er. Ok! Just thinking. Ummm….**

For gods sake pippin!

**I know! Stop pairing us with random people you just made up! It's so annoying and makes no sense!**

That was a rubbish point!

**Not my fault if you took the best one!**

The best one? We have only got two!

**That's my point. You already said the good one!**

But there are more than two things that are annoying us!

**Are there? What else is there?**

Pippin you are really that thick!

**If your so clever you tell me another point**

Erm. Ummm. Errrr. Ohhh.

**My point exactly!**

**Now listen readers –shut up merry!**

**Because of a terrible illness called its lunchtime our minds have gone blank so we are going to get some food and we will post more stuff later.**

Good idea pip!

**Thanks! Do you think there is any apple pie left?**

I don't know. Lets go and see

**Good bye**

**Peregrin (pippin) Took** & Meriadoc (merry) Brandybuck

)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_ )_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)_)

Well? Did you like it? Its only a start of course there will be more! (With about every character in lotr contributing!)

Please review! I want to no if you like it! If you want to request something please pm or review and I will add it! So far so good yeah?

I am thinking of doing Tharanduil next! Poor thrandy! Fanfiction shows him in lots of ways!


	2. tharanduil complains a lot

Wow! Uploaded in the same night! Do you like pasta?

To writers of fanfiction,

I cannot help but notice that in lot of your stories I am shown to be a "homosexual, abusive, cold hearted, mad king who has anger issues and hates everyone". I tell you now I AM NOT! I am not in or ever going to have a relationship with a male, or a female at that matter. I will love none other apart from my deceased wife!

I am not abusive to ANYONE especially not my son! I love my son as my son, not as anything else. I have never and will never abuse him physically, mentally or sexually or spiritually! I love him unlike what most of you seem to think and would NEVER do anything to hurt him!

I am not a cold hearted or else I would not do my job. I am king and I love my land and my people as they should be rightly loved! I am not mad or crazy or insane or how ever else you want to phrase it!

I do not have anger issues or anything like that. Would you please stop saying I do! My son has shown me at least thirty stories where I am shown with them! I may get angry but I do not have problems!

I do not hate everyone thank you very much. True there are some I don't like and I am not very found of men, but that doesn't mean all men. I also don't particularly like the Noldor elves but I don't hate them. To us elves hate is strong word!

Also I HAVE BLUE EYES! NOT GREY! I AM SINDARIN NOT NOLDOR!

Please take all these matters into account before you write fanfiction about me

Yours sincerely

King Tharanduil of the woodland realm

Ha ha ha. Thrandy seems quite angry! Lol. So did you like it? Did you?

Please review!

If you want to have a person making a complaint tell me and I will do it !

I think I might do Boromir next. Boromir or gandalf? Hmmm…


	3. Eowyn complains & shouts

Eowyn it is! Had to do a female and a human, so it's Eowyn. My friend Rose helped me with this and I must say it kind of gives you a headache!

What did you have for dinner tonight?

I had curry

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Dear the twats who are reading this

I am going to get some things straight with you. I will do it once and once only understand?

IT WAS I, WITH THE HELP OF MERRY, WHO KILLED THE WITCH KING! NOT ANY OF YOUR "ORIGINAL CHARECTERS" OR MARY-SUES! UNDERSTAND!

JUST BECAUSE I CAN FIGHT WITH A SWORD, LIKE A SOLIDER DOESN'T MEAN I AM ONE! I AM QUITE FEMINE IN SOME WAYS!

I DON'T LOVE ARAGORN! I MIGHT HAVE HAD A CRUSH ON HIM FOR ABOUT FIVE MINUTES BUT I DON'T LOVE HIM! FARAMIR IS MY ONE AND ONLY LOVE! GET IT?

ARWEN AND ME ARE GOOD FRIENDS BUT WE ARE NOT LOVERS! IF YOU PUT US AS LOVERS/ PARTICIPATING IN SEXUAL ACTIVITY TOGETHER I MIGHT HAVE TO KILL YOU! OK?

I DO NOT LOVE THE ELF! WE ARE FRIENDS, WHICH IS ALL!

I HAVE NEVER LOVED THE ELF! WE HAVE ONLY BEEN FRIENDS!

I HAVE NO SECRET ELF LOVERS OR MYSERIOUS RANGER BOYFRIENDS

I NEVER LOVED WORM TOUNGE!

IN FACT I HATED WORM TOUNGE!

I HAVE WANT TO BURN WORM TOUNGE ALIVE!

I LOVE ÉOMER AS MY BROTHER NOT AS ANYTHING ELSE!

IVE NEVER PARTICIPATED IN ANY GROSS THING WITH THE DWARF!

Pippin: do you think she is a bit paranoid bout her love life?

Merry: seems so!

I NEVER LOVED ANOTHER APART FROM FARAMIR SO WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING I HAVE!

I AM NOT FAT!

I DO NOT STINK!

MY HAIR IS NOT GREASY!

I DO NOT LOVE ANY OF YOUR GARY STUES!

IF YOU PUT ANYTHING, ANYTHING AT ALL THAT HIDES THE TRUTH ABOUT ME I WILL SLAY YOU!

I WILL GET MY SWORD AND PERSONALY CHOP YOU INTO BITE SIZE PIECES AND ROAST YOU THEN FEED YOU TO PIPPIN!

UNDERSTAND?

I AM WATCHING YOU!

Yours truly,

Eowyn

Shield maiden, the witch king slayer, the white lady of Rohan and loyal wife of Faramir

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I had to have Eowyn yelling at you and threatening to kill you! It just seems so like her!

I know we (me & Rose) garbled on bit about her love life but it seemed so like her!

Please tell me what you thought by clicking the button, which says review!

If you want to flame you can flame Rose, as it was her idea

Forgot to say I am doing leggie next :P


	4. legolas hates Mary Sues

I know people wanted leggy complaining about Mary sues so that is what I've done XD

My friend rose helped with this one as well

Dear the writers who have some obsession for writing fanfiction,

I am sitting in my room in the palace looking out the window and dreaming about the Mary sues you make.

THE MARY SUES I WANT TO KILL!

Would you oh-so-crazed writers please stop putting these vile, giggling, twittering omg-I-look-so-like-perfect girls into fanfics including me!

STOP MAKING ME FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM!

STOP MAKING THEM FALL IN LOVE WITH ME!

STOP MAKING THEM ALL TOGERTHER!

EVERYBODY HATES THE CREATURES, WHICH ARE CURENTLY BANGING AT THE PALACE GATES, TRYING TO GET IN!

I KNOW I AM DOING EOWYNS TRICK OF WRITING IN CAPTIALS BUT DESPERATE TIMES CALL FOR DESPERATE MEASURES!

They are every haunting my dreams with their evil!

A good friend of mine has gone mad since one kissed them and has never been the same since!

Stop making them! For me and for everyone else or shall I have to do another one of Eowyns tricks and kill you?

Yours truly,

Legolas Tharanduilion, crown prince of Greenwood

Did you like it? I know it wasn't very long but there is only so much you can say. I expect leggie will be writer more lets soon, possibly about the subjects of lovers?

Please review x

Larissa haylie and (humph) Rose what ever her last name is x

Rose: Rissy my last name is Taeford

Me: I knew that

Rose: sure you did *starts lobbing nail varnish and other random stuff at me*

Me: *runs away…*


	5. gimli tell us some stuff

Hey. I am so sorry I haven't updated in the last two days but I had my laptop confiscated because I put honey in my brothers brand new high tops (ha ha) and I got caught (not good). Good thing is my punishment only lasted for two days and my brother can't wear his high tops because when they were washing he 'borrowed' his twins (my other brother) and some how managed to get cow dung all over then (not like I didn't do any thing. he he) so the brother that he 'borrowed' them from cut his high tops up.

Now neither of my twins has high tops.

Hopefully my brothers wont find out my role but if I suddenly don't update … well I bet you I will be running for my life away from my twin brothers :P

Had some requests and I decided to do Gmli! Enjoy …

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Dear these fan fiction writer things,

I think you should know…

I AM NOT IN LOVE WITH THE ELF!

There are so many of these stories of yours in which I am getting married to the elf/ kissing the elf / doing other stuff with the elf.

I do not love him and he doesn't love me.

Remember we were mortal and immortal enemies with each other just a year or two ago.

Remember that we don't love each other.

While I am here I would also like to draw attention to the fact there are barely any stories about me, about pippin? YES! frodo? YES! Aragon? YES! Legolas? MORE THAN ANYONE CAN COUNT!

So please less stories about that Barbie-prissy-elf and more about me

Son of a lord, cousin to king under the mountain… GIMLI SON OF GLOIN!

Your I am –not-in-love-with-legolases,

Gimli son of gloin

Dwarf and proud of it

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Well that's it I think

Remember to review please and tell me whom you want next.

I have had some requests for Aragon and some for Arwen so they probably come soon.

Wish me luck with my brothers (twins are bad!)

C yah x

-Larissa

la la la la la la BANG! IM A FIRE WORK :Ps


	6. news flash: Aragorn doesnt like slash

Well I am back. Sorry about no updates for a while but I am in a lot of trouble with my mother :P something to do with cutting my brothers clothes up?

Anyway I said I would do Aragorn so I have done Aragorn…

**X***X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*

Cursed authors

I am writing this letter to let you know I am not gay!

I do not love

Legolas

Haldir

Erestor

Elladan

Elrohir

Elrond

Glorfindel

Gimli

Boromir

Faramir

Any of legolas's siblings

Any ranger

Or any other male

Also the only female I love is **Arwen**, no more no less.

Ok?

I can't express how annoying it is to have so many slash stories about you!

No more!

- Aragorn, son of Arathon. King of Gondor.

X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*X*

I have an amazing idea for Arwen next! It will be longer than this!

Please review and tell me if you want someone to complain.

night night

Larissa xxx

oh yeah NO MORE REVEIWING IF YOUR MY BROTHER AND YOUR NAME IS JAMIE OR DAN! OR IF YOUR CALLED ROSE OR AQUA! and no aqua& rose i will not upload your lord of the rings just died lets have a party cos i didnt do it! and you cant get me to post your rubbishness and get flamed with it so you can continue your arguement with rose! same goes to you rose!


	7. Arwen hates her darling being in AL

A WHINING ARWEN XD isn't that what everyone wants to read?

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Dear authors of fan fiction,

I am writing this letter to tell you that my darling Aragorn does not love legolas! I repeat not. He will never love Legolas so why do you write so many stories in which he does? It is horrible! Legolas doesn't love Aragorn either and I am not some cruel which who stops their love! Please stop writing this so called A/L slash! Stop it! Aragorn only loves me! He promised! I gave him my Evenstar and my immortality! Legolas doesn't love him either! Legolas would never do that to me! Stop it! Stop making my husband love legolas!

Yours sincerely,

Arwen Undomiel Evenstar Halfelven Elessar Queen of Gondor

ps; my eyes are a queenly gray. They are not blue!

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what da you think? please review and tell me if you want someone particular to complain :)


	8. Haldir has a few words

So so sorry I haven't updated in ages but I have been really busy with school tomorrow and had left all my homework till the last minute.

I have been asked for lots of things but I am gonna do just one now as I need to pack my stuff have a shower and a million other things so I am ready for school tomorrow

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-fanfiction writers

I don't love Legolas. He doesn't love me. Nothing happened when the fellowship stopped in Lothlorien.

-Haldir , marchwarden of Lorien .

short and sharp. Like I imagine haldir.

Remember your free to ask who you want letters from. I might do sauron next.


	9. he didn't say not fordo

I haven't updated in ages Im so sorry! What shall my excuse be? I think its school. Yeah lets blame everything on school. I am moving houses soon and wont be able to update as often (even though I have updated about twice in the last month) but I promise I am going to update as often as possible!

Now lets read Frodo's letter…

-X-

Dear authors of fan fiction,

I would like to address several matters tonight. They are:

1). I was fifty-five when I went on the quest. Not 20.

2). My name is Frodo not FROFRO not FREDO or FRODDY.

3). I do NOT love Sam! Well only as a friend- he is my greatest friend but not as a lover. Anyway he is married!

STOP writing the wrong facts! Only believable and suitable stories are like by us of the heavens and middle earth (apart from Orophin – he likes the stories in which he is with Elladan, me and Elrohir have been trying to get them together)

From,

Frodo , the ring bearer , son of Drago

So what did ya think?

Remember to review!


	10. please don' turn me any thing unnatural

I have always loved Sam!

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Dear writers of fan fiction,

Just so you know, I do not love Mister Frodo. Rosie Gamgee nee' Cotton is my girl. I have always loved ol' Rosie and I always will. Not meaning to be impolite of course mam'. Please don't turn me into anything unnatural.

Thank you sir or madam,

Sam Gamgee

what did ya think? Please review! Remember your welcome to ask for requests!

-Larrissa x


	11. Goldenflowers and pointless riddles

Hahahah Glorfindel won!

Elrond might be next though…

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Dear Writers of fnfiction,

I just want to say ….I DO NOT LOVE ERESTOR !

What is it with you and SLASH!?

I don't love Erestor- he is a crabby elf who doesn't know how to have fun and he never drinks! He is not striking or devoted enough for the balrog slayer ! STOP PUTTING ME WITH HIM!

Your if-you-don't-obay-I-will-chop-you-into-a-zillion-p iecesly

Glorfindel ,The Balrog Slayer, House of Golden Flower

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a riddle (Eiake made it) ;

I am round and round and round

I roll and can roll and be rolled

I can be eaten , I am not edible to some

I am a beach baby! I love the sun

I don't wear to much fake tan

I am often paired with a tree

There are at least seven types of me

(BIG HINT – I DON'T WEAR TO MUCH FAKE TAN- IT IMPLIES THAT I AM THE COLOUR OF TOO MUCH FAKE TAN! Tree , round, edible and seven types are clues as well )

remember to review(and answer the riddle) and you can request people.

Ta foreading ~ Larrissa


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